Friday, March 27, 2009

Top 20 Funniest Country Song Names

Believe it or not all of these songs are actual songs... and if you Google some of the lyrics, you'll see that some of them actually make sense. Still, I wonder what these guys were smoking when they came up with these titles...

1. Thom Sharpe - I Don’t Know Whether to Kill Myself or Go Bowling

Well, if I were you, I wouldn't know what to do either.

2. Jimmy Buffet - My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus

Dude, I think you'd better go bowling.

3. Waylon Jennings - Get Your Tongue Out of my Mouth, I’m Kissing you Goodbye


4. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now

Would have been totally worth it too

5. Jimmy Buffet - If the Phone Doesn’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me

If I don't knock on your door, it's me too

6. And there was Grandma, Swinging on the Outhouse Door, without a shirt on

Weeeh! Grandma knows how to party!!

7. Dan Hicks - How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

Hey, I feel 4 u, man! I've had that same problem before

8. Austin Lounge Lizards - Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You

I think it may be the other way around

9. Jerry Reed - She Got the Goldmine (I Got the Shaft)

Uh, what a surprise! Did you actually expect to keep the goldmine?

10. Phil Earhart - My wife ran off with my best friend and I sure do miss HIM

Hmmm... I love you, man! Please, come back!

11. Chuck Wagon - You Shot the TV but You Were Aiming at Me

Urgh! Where are we gonna watch Idol?

12. Ruby Wright - Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears

But I took a detour through IHOP and Baskin Robbins.

13. Gretchen Phillips - I Spent My Last Ten Dollars on Birth Control and Beer

But you still did not get laid.

14. Joe Nichols - Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off

Dude, can I get her number?

15. I Bought A Car From A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run, So
We're Even

Not really, you could always get a refund for that car!

16. Johnny Cash - I've Been Flushed from the Bathroom of Your Heart

Hey, if yellow, let it mellow...

17. Conway Twitty & Loretta Lynn - You’re the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly

Some people should not be allowed to bear children

18. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite

Sorry, I divorced you yesterday.

19. I Got in at 2 with a 10 and Woke Up at 10 with a 2

You should have left at 6 when she was a 5.

20. Waylon Jennings - Too Dumb for NY, Too Ugly for LA

Dude, you got it backwards - you're too ugly for NY and too dumb for LA.

Next week: Top 20 long songs (over 8 minutes long)

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Top 20 Coolest Song Parts

A few years ago, the good folk at retroCRUSH decided to publish the top 50 coolest song parts of all time ( I decided to revisit their list, select the ones I agreed with and add a few of my own to compile my own list. To those wondering, a “song part” is just a segment of a song (an intro, an ending, a solo, a refrain, a chorus, etc.). Some of these songs could be great or not, and some may even be lame as a whole… but a cool part usually saves the day:

Phil Collins – In the Air Tonight

Just when you think you’re going to fall asleep… wait a minute, here it comes… and you find yourself flailing your arms like a bunch of crazed orangutans!... And who could blame you? No one can resist air-drumming to this part that bring an otherwise macabre song well into life… Just to prove my point, here is a segment from the defunct sit-com Carpoolers:

Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody

This song has so many cool parts that it’s hard to select just one… For some people it’s the a cappella intro (“Is this the real life?”)… for others it’s the opera segment (“Galileo, Galileo”) but for most, it’s the guitar burst that pretty much marks the beginning of head-banging… I wonder which one Wayne and Garth would choose…

The Rolling Stones – Sympathy for the Devil

Robert Berry writes: “There's two parts in The Stones' "Sympathy For The Devil" that I just love the hell out of. First, you have the intro, with the tribal drums, weird backward voodoo chants, and other effects that lead into Mick as Satan singing, "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste!". So just have to hear more. And you do, as Mick tells you how he's been behind all the horrible events of the world since the dawn of man. When he screams, "I shouted out who killed The Kennedys, when after all, it was YOU and ME!", however, it's a jaw dropping line that really makes you think. It just hits you over the head with a shovel and leaves you wondering just what the hell he meant by that.”

Queen – We Will Rock You

Stamp-stamp-clap, stamp-stamp-clap, stamp-stamp-clap, stamp-stamp-clap….We Will.. We Will… Rock You!.... can you honestly tell me it is not cool?... See what happens when the good folk at Cheers (where everybody knows your name) start an impromptu stamp-stamp-clap…

Van Halen – Hot for Teacher

Robert Berry again: “That sweet and amazing drum intro from Alex Van Halen is a mysterious thing of beauty. It's as if a specially trained squid with 4 extra arms is whacking on that drum set. I've heard everything from studio trickery, to extra bass drums, to his brother Eddie drumming alongside of him as explanations. If you know, I'm dying to find out for sure!”

The Who – Won’t Get Fooled Again

Scott Yasukawa writes “Right before the end, right before Roger sings the line "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss", right after the drums kick up he belts out a scream that's unmatched. YYYYEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" How a man can scream like that without his head exploding like someone from the movie Scanners is beyond me. I can't think of anyone else who can imitate it. Or how they would ever talk again if they could.”

Pink Floyd – Another Brick in the Wall

So many cool parts to choose from… the helicopter, the enraged teacher at the end shouting “How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?”, the kids shouting “Hey Teacher! Leave us kids along” at the top of their lungs… but to me… the coolest part was that “The Happiest Days of out Lives” smacked right there between Parts I and II…

Led Zep – The Immigrant’s Song

Robert Berry: “So primal. So godly. The beginning of Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song" with Robert Plant's war-cry over Jimmy Page's invasion worthy guitar is just amazing.”

Heart – Barracuda

Robert Berry from retroCrush describes the opening guitar riff in "Barracuda" as “punch-you-in-the-mouth rock.” No wonder it has been used in so many cool movie scenes. In fact, the geniuses behind Shrek The Third combined it with the war-cry from The Immigrant’s Song above to give Snow White an extreme makeover…

Metallica – One

I think overall this is one damn cool song, but the part that makes the cut is the guitars sounding like machine-gun fire… The best head-banging moment in Rock history as proclaimed by Mr. Berry.

Michael Jackson – Thriller

Darkness falls across the land; the midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood to terrorize yawls neighborhood
And whosoever shall be found without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell and rot inside a corpses shell
The foulest stench is in the air, the funk of forty thousand years
And grizzy ghouls from every tomb are closing in to seal your doom
And though you fight to stay alive, your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist the evil of the thriller

Prince – Let’s Go Crazy

From the very first opening line (Dearly beloved, we are gathered 2day 2 get through this thing called life) to the transition into guitar riff (and if the de-elevator tries to bring you down, go crazy and punch a higher floor) this is one of the most memorable intros in rock history… and I didn’t even talk about looking for purple bananas.

Meat Loaf – Paradise by the Dashboard Lights

Everyone who knows me knows I am a hardcore Steinfan… Jim Steinman is truly the Lord of Excess… and this is Steinman at his best… NY Yankees’ long time announcer Phil Rizzuto broadcasting a play-by-play of the sexual attempts of the guy (Holy Cow, I think he’s gonna make it) only to be interrupted at the very last minute by Ellen Foley screaming at the top of her lungs (You stop right there!!)… ja ja ja… talk about teenage angst!

Blue Oyster Cult – Don’t Fear the Reaper

Two words: More cowbell!

Madness – One Step Beyond

Whenever you hear the sax intro, does it make you want to shake those elbows and dance like an asshole too? I bet it does! je je je

Garth Brooks – The Thunder Rolls (Live)

I get a chill whenever I hear the line “And he knows that she knows”, but ahh, that mysterious third verse Garth only sings in concerts. She goes back in and fetches her gun… Ain’t Easter Eggs cool?

Meat Loaf – You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth

On a hot summer night would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?

Los Fabulosos Cadillacs – Matador

This song is amazing, but that bass drum solo at the middle of the song, which invites whistles and all types of percussion to join in, reminds you of carnival. Carnivals are cool.

Heart – Crazy on You

The flamenco intro to this song is considered one of the best performances in rock history. If I played guitar, I would surely want to learn to play it. If I composed music, I would surely want to compose it.

B-52’S – Love Shack

Three words: Tin Roof – Rusted!

Next Week: Top 20 Funniest Song Names

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Top 20 Funniest Songs

For this list, I was looking for real songs and not comedy routines (Who’s on First?) or comedy routines with music on the background (No Sex in the Champagne Room). People had to sing, sing, sing, SING….

Allan Sherman – Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah (A Letter From Camp)

At Camp Grenada, the lake has alligators, your bunkmate may have malaria and you may get ptomaine poisoning after dinner or get eaten by a bear…A true timeless classic!

Ray Stevens – The Streak

Pardon me sir, did you see what happened? Boogedy Boogedy…

Weird Al Yankovic - White and Nerdy

Are you fluent in JavaScript and Klingon? If you are, you may be too white and nerdy

Lonzo and Oscar – I’m My Own Grandpa

You have to hear it to believe it!

Spamalot – Song that Goes Like This

Once in every list there is a song that goes like this, and this is the song that goes like this.

Monty Phyton – The Lumberjack Song

Well, he is a lumberjack and he is OK.. he sleeps all day and works all night.. or does he? The You Tube link also includes the famous Dead Parrot sketch.

Barenaked Ladies – If I had a Million Dollars

Pre-wrapped bacon? Can you blame them? Of course, I do.

Four Postmen – Four Years of High School Spanish

Mi pantalones es muy caliente! El taco es en la del baƱo!

Woody Harrelson & John C. Riley - Bad Jokes

You hear about the Viagra shipment that got stolen? They’re looking for hardened criminals…

Cledus T. Judd – The First Redneck on the Internet

He was the First Redneck on the Internet, a bonafied cyber-threat!

Weird Al Yankovis – Bedrock Anthem

Well, yaba-daba-doo now! Well, yaba-daba-doo now!

Ray Stevens – Shriner’s Convention

Meanwhile back at the motel…

Spamalot – Brave Sir Robin

Brave Sir Robin was not afraid all to be killed in nasty ways

Avenue Q – The Internet is for Porn

Why you think the net was born? Porn porn porn!!

Tom Lehrer – The Periodic Table of the Elements Song

I hope you are all taking notes because there’s gonna be a short quiz next period

Tenacious D – Classico

If you think is time to fucking rock and fucking roll out of control…

Ray Stevens – Along Came Jones

And the he grabbed her.. he tied her up…he turned on the bandsaw…

Elmo & Patsy - Grandma Was Runover by a Reindeer

Should we open up our gifts or send them back? Send them back???

South Park – Blame Canada

They are not a real country anyway!

Straight No Chaser – The 12 Days of Christmas

You’d better not… in a pear tree!

Next Week: The top 20 coolest song parts.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Top 20 Cover Songs

To me, a great cover song is NOT a paint-by-number note-for-note rendition of the original. Instead, an artist should be able to take an original, run with it and turn it into a brand new masterpiece - one which does not even reminisces of the original. These are the top 20 best cover songs of all time according to me (as of today):

1. Cake – I Will Survive

2. Metallica – Turn the Page

3. Alien Ant Farm – Smooth Criminal

4. Isarael Kamakawiwo’ole - Somewhere Over the Rainbow

5. Travis – Hit Me Baby One More Time

6. Rufus Wainwright – Hallelujah

7. Live – I Walk the Line

8. Queensryche – Scarborough Fair

9. Chris Cornell – Billie Jean

10. Scorpions – Dust in the Wind

11. Jacek Koman & Ewan McGregor - El Tango de Roxanne

12. Maroon 5 – Pure Imagination

13. Bono – I Am the Walrus

14. Tom Jones & Cardigans – Burning Down the House

15. Fear Factory - Cars
16. Santa Esmeralda – The House of the Risin’ Sun
17. Queensryche – Heaven on their Minds
18. Bangles – A Hazy Shade of Winter
19. Zwan – The Number of the Beast
20. Billy Connelly – Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite